Engulfed in flames
by TiannaZ
Summary: Fai hates himself... he believes his a sin so what will happen when he goes on a journey and meets Kurogane? How will the ninja change his life and his heart? one shot


Tsubasa does not belong to me it belongs to CLAMP if it did belong to me *fangirl smile* I'll leave that up to ur imagination ;) /Spoilers from Acid Tokyo onwards/

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><p>Darkness.<p>

What is darkness? A place where no light is found, no hope, no love, nothing.

Emptiness.

Where there is nothing, a feeling that turns you into a shell with no soul.

I've felt empty for I don't even know how long now. I've been in the dark for what feels like several eternities. It all started was when I was born, before I even knew how to crawl. It ruined me but I deserve that for I am nothing, I am a sin.

I was in there for so long. At the bottom of a tower full of rotting bodies and horrible darkness. My brother Fai I didn't know where exactly he was but I was sure he was somewhere near. Sometimes I'd hear him say my name and I'd yell back telling him we'd leave, that we could have a life. Was that wrong? To dream? All I wanted was to leave the suffocating dark, leave it all behind.

Day after day my hair would grow longer until it was twice the height of me. At that point in time I think I was seven in human years. As far as years I'd actually lived, decades, that's all I knew.

I still remember the times before that, before I was in there starving but not dying, dying but living. They'd said we were a bad sign. We were twins, magical twins with greater power than any other mage ever possessed. I remember my grandfather screaming at us, my brother's warm hand holding my frozen one. They said we were a sin, we were barely five but they'd already made up their minds on what we were. Soon enough I'd grown to believe them. I was a sin. A monster, someone who should be dead. I thought so lowly of myself at the age of five.

The tower scared me more than anything. I wanted to cry, to scream, to just die! But no mercy was shown no one would just kill me and end the pain. No I was kept alive to endure day by day being the sin I was.

Then he came, the king of our land, Valeria. When he came I thought he was going to kill me I had heard my brother scream my name over and over. The last thing my grandfather had said to me was that he wasn't going to kill me and Fai, he was going to make us live with the burden that everyone else in the country was dead and… it was all our fault.

Not long after his death my brother died too. I remember how he died… he'd fallen from up above. I remember the fear coursing through me as his body identical to mine fell to the ground. His body had hit the ground with a sickening thud echoing in my ears and even worse his crimson blood coated the ground. Fai was not a sin I Yuui, I was a sin. I had killed him, my brother the only one that hadn't left me.

King Ashura was the next in the line of events… but oh how kind he had been to me. He took me in, he let me put my brother's body away to be preserved so one day I could hopefully revive him. He didn't ask questions when I changed my name to Fai. He didn't judge me. I'd learnt how to act pretend I was something I wasn't. I'd learned how to put on a fake smile, how to laugh but never did I once feel anything inside for I was empty an empty shell.

I had been betrayed yet again. How many times had those words flown through my mind? I had never been sure but another thing I knew was that I had been abandoned too. Left behind to not have anything to never feel the warmth of a real smile or laugh to always be alone, betrayed, abandoned, a sin.

I had left on a journey, to seek the witch of dimensions to fulfil the task that had been the price of my freedom. I would kill who I must to reach my dream, I would have to trick them into trusting me. Only…

I hadn't expected _him _to be so… interesting. The way he reacted when I called him names or pushed his buttons, I had pissed him off. Allot. Before long I had found traces of that warmth you receive from real laughter, real smiles. He had caused the smiles to occasionally light in my eyes. He was everything I wasn't honest, noble, brave and kind. Not only had he been interesting he was smart, a bastard. He saw through me like glass, he had seen right through my smiles and laughter. He knew I was fake and I knew I was fake, I had wanted to be mad at him but I was mad at me most of all…

I'd crossed the line.

I realised that when he had saved me in Tokyo, sacrificing everything just so a pathetic being like me could live to breathe another day. How I had hated him for that, how I wanted to scream at him tell him to let me die! Tell him to not be _him_! Because he was just too much for me to take! I was meant to kill him one day but I couldn't… I wouldn't I was an idiot. I was attached I was in love, I was a fool.

It had taken everything in me to get those words out 'Good morning Kurogane.' I'd seen it in his eyes how much it hurt and surprised him when I'd called him his name for the first time since the day we met. He'd seen through me again at that very moment knowing what I wasn't saying was a normal greeting to a friend… it was a farewell. I couldn't get closer to him, if I had it would be harder to end his life when the time came.

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><p>My throat itched with hunger it felt dry and chalky. My hand came to my slim pale neck and I massaged it to cool the insane thirst for his blood. The blood I'd been sentenced to drink since he saved me in Tokyo, the only way to save me was for me to become a vampire and for him to become my 'E'.<p>

I growled angrily at my thirsty state. Why did I have to become this way? Become more pathetic than I already am? To have to rely on my survival from the one I needed to hate? Why was life so unfair?

I slammed my palms into the metal door leading to the roof. Cold air whipped my face and stung my cheeks. The cold wind sent shivers down my spine and my hand reached up to touch my eye patch over my empty eye socket. Half my magic was gone, I had been betrayed again. Syaoran… I cared for the fourteen year old boy, he was so kind and loved Sakura so much but he had become the monster I never wanted him to and he ate my eye. Was this just my fate to be abandoned? To never have people stay by my side?

My single blue eye followed the dark outline of the buildings around me. Infinity was a strange place it was dark and dangerous, it reminded me of myself. What I was truly like on the inside. I shook my head looking away from the buildings. My throat itched again and I swallowed thickly, this thirst led me to think of _him_. Which I am not allowed to do! I can't think of him.

_I hate him. I hate him. I hate him._

I clenched my hands into fists in my hair chanting the phrase over and over in my head.

_I hate him. I hate him. I hate him!_

_Damnit I love him!_

Tears started to sting my eye and the warm liquid trickled down my face. I was an idiot! My hands started pulling painfully at my hair and my scalp began to sting.

_I love him. I love him! But I can't love him! But he-he… never_

Abandoned me, he never had _I _had abandoned him. He'd given up everything to save me then I turned around telling him to never talk to me again. I abandoned him. I hurt him. I really am a monster. A sin, an abomination. The tears streaming from my single eye were many and they were my pain.

_I love him. No arguments it's true no matter how hard I try to hide it. I love Kurogane, and that scares me._

I started to make pathetic whining and whimpering sounds as my shoulders began to shake with tears. Before I even know it I'm falling…

And the world is black.

When I wake I'm not outside like I last remember I'm lying on a bed, a soft warm bed at that. My eye peels open and I sit up on my elbows looking around the room and there he is his back towards me and I can see the blood pumping under the skin of his neck. My throat screams at the thought and I growl to cover up the sound trying to rip through my traitorous lips.

He turns to me and I know he sees the gold colour of my eye without even saying a word he picks his sword off the ground and cuts himself. He held out his wrist to me and I glare at him clenching my teeth together and trying to be less pathetic but my hunger wins. I am scared to stand because my legs fell like jelly but I stand walk over to his out stretched wrist then sink to my knees in front of it. My tongue licks the wound then I sink my teeth into his flesh sucking the life out of him with my greedy thirst.

I catch a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye and he looks in a bit of displeasure, he looks like his hurting. My drinking becomes less greedy and I crease my eye brows, I'm hurting him again. I pull away wiping my mouth clean then pushing past him and slamming the door shut behind me.

I walked away down the hall way and into my room flopping down on my bed and shutting my eye tight.

_Believe me Kurogane, its better this way._

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><p>I killed Sakura and now we were to leave, to go to Celes my home and find her missing body and hopefully soon find her soul which was locked away in a dream.<p>

I placed a spell on Kurogane's arm, a way of protecting him… for making amends to the wrongs I have done. If I live I'll tell him I'm sorry but… there is a problem with that promise.

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><p>The events of what happen in Celes are all rushing past me in a blur Ashura showed them my past. The life I had living at the bottom of the tower full of rotting bodies and empty souls.<p>

They knew it all, they now knew I was a sin a monster. The true me was handed to them on a plate of blood and misery. I was never truly 'Fai' I was never happy never excited and bubbly never flippant and airy. I was a lie. A fake, an idiot.

I was being held in Ashura's grasp his fingers wrapped around my throat and I spewed blood. This was it I was going to die and that I didn't know if I wanted or not. I heard an enraged cry from behind me and then a long piece of metal went right through Ashura's chest. My heart pounded like crazy and tears started welling in my eye, tears of loss. Ashura just looked pleased when the sword was removed and then he fell to the ground wiping a tear from my face as he went.

"You shouldn't cry on behalf of someone like me," Ashura's final words sounded in my ears, "If it were possible I wanted you to finish me because… I wanted to give you a chance to lift your curse… but with those two… I'm sure you can overcome it."

And with that he was gone I was on my knees looking down at my father like figure and a few tears slipped down my face. My facial features showed no real emotion and I closed his open eyes praying for him to find a better place.

The ground opened and Fai rose from it my heart stung and my brain was fizzled no logical explanation was made present then I heard his voice.

"I'm sorry we couldn't be together Yuui… please, be free!"

"It's all my fault I wasn't able to let you rest in peace I'm so sorry… Fai…" I whispered shutting my eye and hoping for his sake that he to finds a nicer place than the one he had been enduring.

Then what I dreaded started to happen, my second curse was activated.

"What's happening?" I heard Kurogane yell.

"This world is closing, by my magic." I choked out eye wide in horror. "We won't be able to leave this place."

The world began to tumble and shake. It was collapsing and I was on the point of breaking down too. Kurogane grabbed my wrist yelling to me that we were leaving. I knew it was no good that it was impossible and that we were all going to die. I wanted to use magic but I knew the truth…

"The more I use magic the closer I get to dying," I said.

"What…?" Kurogane breathed and I didn't look up to see his reaction I just continued to talk to Syaoran instructing him of what to do and to not let go of Sakura.

I managed to get Sakura and Syaoran with Mokona out of the cage keeping us trapped in the world then I moved on to free Kurogane… I can't free myself no matter what that is how this spell works. So this was the final goodbye… but my magic wasn't enough it didn't work it rebounded on me and sent me into another spewing fit as I coughed up blood inching closer to death.

Then a light shone through the cage's roof and a hole appeared I felt Kurogane grab my wrist and try to pull me through. But he wouldn't be able to he was free he-he should…

"Go!" I hissed trying to sound confident and not as afraid as I actually was.

He paused for a minute then let go of my wrist I felt the pain build in my chest. I knew it was impossible to free me but he was the first to not abandon me… then the strangest thing happened. My eye widened as the sharp metal blade of his Katana cut through his arm. The limb came flying past my face and to the ground beside me, my eye was wide in shock. He had just cut off his arm? For me?

With my eye still wide in shock he let go of his sword and grabbed the front of my coat pulling me out of the cage and into his chest. He didn't abandon me… he saved me, he yet again sacrificed everything to keep me an idiot living to breath another day.

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><p>Arriving in the next world I found him lying on the ground blood flowing from his now empty arm socket and a look of pain on his face. Tears with feelings I've never felt before streamed from my eye my heart clenched in desperation. He was going to die and he was going to die for me! Me of all people! The tears were so many and so full of emotion I could've been crying with both eyes instead of one.<p>

"Hurry he's dying, if he dies, if he dies, then I'll," I couldn't finish the sentence pitiful sobbing sounds chocking out my words and causing more tears to spill. I felt a hand on my head and looked up to see a beautiful young girl probably the same age as Sakura smiling down at me.

"Don't worry. Kurogane will not die." Was all she said a smile on her face and my tears running onto her hand that touched my cheek lightly. A weird sound came from my throat and she made a slight amused sound smiling softly.

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><p>"Sorry to have kept you waiting. Please step inside." Tomoyo said through the paper doors.<p>

I took in a deep breath and pulled back the door my blonde hair covering my eye and eye patch as I walked into the room. I walked right in until I stopped at the edge of Kurogane's futon. He was sitting up and he looked fine apart from the one empty sleeve by his side. I stood in silence looking down at him through my golden locks and he was looking up at me with his piercing red eyes. I saw the look of relieve on his face the look of slight happiness and although my vision was blurred by my hair I was still certain that was what I saw in his eyes.

"Hey," was all he said as he continued to stare at me.

My fist immediately clenched and I swung it at his head he didn't expect it so he didn't manage to dodge it. I hit him straight in the face and I actually sent him falling backwards, he was probably three times my size I was surprised my punch even sent him flying. A smirk worked its way onto my face at his look of shock.

I held up my fist the smirk still etched onto my face. "This is payback, Kuro-sama."

"You bastard I'll beat you up…!" he grinned back at me and I felt happy, happier than I had since Tokyo.

Tomoyo left with a smile at the both of us wishing us good luck for some strange reason.

"Kuro-sama," I said more to myself than the one in which the nick name belonged to.

_Kuro-sama. Kuro-sama! How long I've wanted to say those words again! Kuro-sama!_

The words repeated like a song in my head I've missed them all too much all those names and jokes I've missed calling him that so so much.

"Kuro-sama I-I'm," I began uncertainly then sunk to my knees in front of him. "I'm sorry."

He looked at me shocked for a brief second then followed my gaze to his missing arm and he rolled his eyes looking at me with an expression that said 'it's no big deal'.

I growled grabbing the front of his robe in a clenched fist and bringing my one blue eye to level with his two red eyes. "Don't look at me like that! Don't give me that face! It _is_ a big deal! You could've of died! And for what? For someone you hate? For someone who is a complete idiot?" I wanted to scream at him and tell him he was an idiot! Tell him he saved me for no reason. I rested my other hand flat on the futon not wanting to fall over.

"Fai," he mumbled looking at me with a sad expression.

I felt weird when he said that he knew my name yet… he still called me the one I called myself… he respected the fact that I didn't want to be called _Yuui_.

I growled again the only thing that would stop me from crying. "You hate me! Why did you do all those things? Why?" I cried out both hands now holding the front of his white yukata in a shaky grip.

"Tch. You really are an idiot," he snorted and I hissed.

"Don't go avoiding it! Tell me already why? Damnit why?" I cried.

"Isn't it obvious," he sighed and I froze the look in his eyes the way he shook his head, he looked almost upset. "It's because I don't hate you, sure you're an idiot but you're… more than that. I don't hate you. I don't like you… I love you."

My heart skipped a whole several beats and I nearly passed out my shaky hands fell from their lose grip and I stared at them face turning red and eye shining with elation. "Y-you…" I trailed off.

"I love you Fai. That's why I cut off my arm, gave you my blood and stayed by your side."

"Why do you love me…? I mean I'm a bad person I lied to you," I said voice sad and desperate.

He grabbed my chin and lifted it to look me in my single eye. "Yes you lied but you taught me what true strength is, I lost the meaning of it. Lost why I even wanted strength but seeing you nearly dead in Tokyo made me remember. I wanted strength so I would never lose those things dearest to me. I don't know how it happened I just felt this strange thing inside me and when I saw that clone version of the kid nearly kill you I realised just how much it would hurt to actually lose you no matter how much of an idiot you were," he said with a smile.

"Kuro-sama… I-I love. I love you too!" I said face flushing a deep crimson and I shut my eye feeling embarrassed.

"I'm glad… I thought you hated me," Kurogane mumbled.

"I don't I promise. I don't hate you. I don't like you. I love you," I repeated his words from earlier and he smirked.

And in the next second his lips were on mine kissing me softly as his fingers tangled themselves in my long ponytail. I looked at him slightly shocked then my eye started to close and his did as well. Once my eye was shut I just responded to the touch not sure of how this was going.

He parted from me gave me a slight half lidded smirk then kissed me again less gently and more passionately.

And I was lost. Lost in his taste, his lips, his warm gentle hand in my hair. It was amazing, strange and it made me so happy. I felt a strange tingling start at my lips then spread down my neck to my shoulders, then to my fingertips. Down my chest to my hips then to my toes. It claimed every part of me but my brain which was still racing with thoughts. But then his touch became allot more intense and passionate and my mind was turned into a mess of thoughts not working and the tingling took over my brain as well. It was like a fire burning, its flames licking against my lips.

Most people run from fire scared it will burn them but no not me. I am drawn to this fire I want more and more of it until I am completely in the flame. I want this fire, this love to take me away from my hell of a life I want it to burn me and love me. I want to be alive. I want Kurogane. I want to be…

Engulfed in flames.

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><p>"<em>Handing over my life in exchange for something… I would never do that. Not anymore."<em>

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><p>Yay a fanfic is done :P reviews are nice :P I am not really one to write in first person… not good in that department so tell me if I'm just shiz in this department I was thinking of writing this in Kurogane's point of view and calling it 'swallowed in the sea' I dunno I might write it if you guys liked this :D Oh and I also think my account will mostly devoted to KuroxFai stories since they are the best couple in the world and I love them so much :P so yer :D thanks for reading! ILY! (I know my grammar sucks I always fail in that area of school.) First fic on this website OMG :O<p> 


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